I wish I could start out saying that I am a life long Christian, and that I
am the perfect daughter for Christ. But the truth is, I am not. I am a new Christian, who
has a burning desire to become the best for God that I can be.
I didn't come to know my saviour through
conventional means. Though I was raised in church, and was the grandaughter of an
Assemblies of God preacher, I turned from my up bringing when I was 12. It was at this age
that I was intruduced to a lot of things... drugs.. alcohol.. money.. and sex. All of
which I quickly learned to love. So much so that I turned my back entirely on my family,
former church friends, and most of all God.
I won't give some long drawn out song and
dance about how bad my past was. Just know that it was. But as bad as life may have been,
God, even though I turned my back on Him, provided for me. There were many times when I
shouldn't have made it home alive, many times when I could have died at the hands of some
stranger, or some pusher. Yet God had a plan for me, and he kept me safe. I'm not saying I
didn't suffer any pain. I sure did! All at my own hand. I believe, that after a certain
age.. what I call the age of knowlege.. we are the result of our own decisions. And I made
a lot of bad ones.
By the time I was 25, I was washed up, dried
up and tired of life. I had "been there, done that" to the extent that I felt I
had nothing left to live for. Not even my children mattered to me any more. I felt dirty
and unworthy of God. At least the God that I had known as a child. So, at 25.. on August
15, 1991.. I attempted suicide. Oddly as it may sound.. this was my saving grace.
Overdosing on drugs.. forced me into a situation where I had to take all drugs out of my
life, and start to clear the fog from my head.. and be able to live and think like a human
I began my relationship with God, in a
fellowship for Recovering Addicts. At first, I still had the same old concept of God. The
concept that had scared me into believing that God would never forgive me for the sins and
wrongs I had committed, and that I was doomed to a life in hell. Though the meetings I
attend arent' "religious" meetings, they are spiritual. And it's because of that
spirituality that I found the freedom to seek a God of my own understanding.
I'd like to intercede here and state, that..
The God of my understanding is the same God of the bible, the Father of all humanity, and
of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. He is the Creator, and the Alpha and Omega. But for so
long, I felt that those only perfect creatures.. which I know now don't exist.. had the
"right" to talk to God.. that I didn't even try.
Through being told and shown... that I had the
freedom to talk to God, I began my walk to this path. In the meetings that I attend, I
take something called the "twelve steps." These steps are meant to help
recovering addicts deal with their past.. which is what makes and keeps a lot of us in
active addiction. Not to many realize, actually, how biblical these steps are.
When I got to step number three.. "Made a
decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GOD as WE understood
Him.." I stopped. I prayed.. I wrote.. and I begged. I told God.. "I don't quite
understand who You are, and I don't know what's ahead for me. But I do know that it was
YOU who kept me a live all the times I should have died, and it was YOU who kept me safe,
and brought me to this place in time. I give my life to YOU. Take it and make it what YOU
want it to be." That was my prayer. I won't say that clouds peeled back and angel's
appeared with singing. Nor will I say that miraculously my life got all better. It didn't.
I had made a lot of bad decisions, and had a lot of things I needed to change about me. A
lot of footwork to do. But God had set the path before me. It was up to me to walk it.
In my fourth and fifth step.. I"m called
on to do a complete moral inventory.. searching and fearless.. and then to confess that
inventory to myself, to GOD and to another human being.. my sponsor. For me, this was my
confession of sin. And I took it as such. I told my sponsor and GOD everything I had done
wrong in my past. I was so afraid to do this. I had done things that I was so ashamed of.
But satan was using that shame to bind me to my sinful life. In doing my fourth step and
fifth step, I got honest. Something the devil hates. And I gave all of me, in my entirity
to GOD. Satan had nothing to hold over my head anymore. I was free! And I felt it!
Since that day, I've had a thirst for the
knowlege of God's word. I read my bible daily, I read meditations and studies. And I love
Christian Talk Radio! I've also had a thirst to give back what has so freely been given
me. And that is this precious gift of eternal love and salvation.
I had prayed about that for a long time, when
I met Cindie! We hit it off just like old friends! And I knew by the third or fourth time
we'd written that this was the person God was sending me to give me a way to repay my
debts, and to carry the message of Christ to the world as far as I can!
I'm so excited about CWOW! There are so many
great things ahead for us! So much that we, as the daughters of God can do. It won't
happen over night, and it won't all be easy. Satan will use every opportunity to come
between us and our love for GOD. But we mustn't let him!
I would like to say a few words to the women
who might be reading this, and are considering joining. I've been asked "must I have
an all Christian website?" Or.. I'm a Christian, but I don't go to church! Can I
CWOW isnt about just Christian Women. And it
certainly isn't an elitist social club. Our main purpose is to minister to those who are
not of Christ! To carry the message of Salvation. To bring the lambs to the shepard. What
good does it do us if we exclude someone who hasn't heard.
So.. no. websites don't have to be all
Christian oriented. God gave us brains and talents and families and hobbies and other
interests as well. It may well be through one of these that we find a sister who is lost,
and bring her back to the flock.
As far as going to church goes. I don't recall
anywhere that it says that church attendance is a requirement for Christianity. Of course,
I think church attendance is a wonderful thing! And I also believe that as we grow in
Christ, we are led in that direction.. to the fellowship of other believers. But.. the
bible says.. "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I shall be also!"
Lets remember that.
In closing, I'd like to share with you the
motto that I try to live by:
"My life may be the only bible that someone ever reads. I want to do it
God bless you all!